I’ve been watching a show lately that made me pull out some old photographs and go through them. I found this one- it looks like from the time when we lived on a Native reservation in Canada.

It made me smile, because it seems like Dylan is the same size as I was then. I don’t remember this specifically- but I do remember chasing the baby chicks on my grandmother’s property.

I wonder what he’ll remember when he gets older?

There was a little girl who had a little curl,
right in the middle of her forehead.
When she was good, she was very good,
and when she was bad she was horrid.

I think this is me, sometimes. At least I feel like it is. As I get older, I am decidedly more in control of my actions, and my emotions- so that’s not really what I’m talking about. It’s more the fact that I feel like there are two sides of me.

I had an interview yesterday, and the second woman who interviewed me asked me the question that I always make fun of, but have never nailed down a solid answer for. “If you could describe yourself, in just one word, what would it be?” I inwardly laughed, but in that moment, I had a flash of clarity and knew the answer. “Creative,” I said, not even thinking twice. Perhaps that’s the best way to answer those sort of questions- relying completely on instinct. She actually seemed surprised by my answer- sitting up a little straighter and looking at me quizzically before flashing me a grin. “What a fantastic answer,” she said, and I was relieved- both that I’d said the right thing, and that it was true.

I struggle with my creative abilities- or in some cases, my lack thereof. Some days I feel like a female reincarnation of Michaelangelo- but other days I feel like my four year old with stick figures and finger paints. The biggest struggle, though- most days I know that I would love it if my life were at the place where I could just create, all day long. Write, paint, make jewelry, cook, whatever. It inspires and exhilarates me. It’s just so.much.fun.

Then I’m the other side of me. “That’s what hobbies are for- and if that’s not good enough for you, that’s what retirement is for,” I tell myself, determined to have a sensible career and actually contribute something significant to the world in my lifetime. I am absolutely convinced that there’s nothing I can’t do if I set my mind to it.

There’s also part of me that sort of…well, to be honest, I think that far too many people are like, look at me! I’m creative! Make me famous for it! (And don’t even get me started on the people who are/want to be famous for being famous) When, shouldn’t we be creative anyway? Shouldn’t that just be part of who we are, and that should be the norm? I want to be the kind of woman that just IS all of these things- and it *only* adds up to being an accomplished, intelligent woman. But I don’t want tons of recognition for it, because greater than my desire for any sort of accolade, is my desire to help humanity (if only a few members of the human  race) live on a higher plane of existence. I should be able to cook an amazing dinner and also change the spark plugs on my car. I should be able to make a necklace to match my outfit, and also write a position paper on education in the United States. I should be a powerful force in the workplace, and also an excellent mother who leads by example and teaches her child kindness and encourages curiosity. These things shouldn’t be considered amazing, they should just be part of who I am.

It’s my curl, in the middle of my forehead. Some days I want to throw all my career plans out the window and just be an “artist.” Then I am reminded that I have a child to support, a roof to keep over my head, and a lifestyle that, while modest, is quite enjoyable and must be maintained.

So for now, I wait. I enjoy my alone time when I can create. I blog voraciously, and am thankful that I have the little bits of artistic outlets here and there that I have now. Some people don’t even get this. I am blessed.

I’ve started learning Japanese, in preparation for our planned trip to Japan next summer. I think I will probably be fine learning to speak it, as I have learned several foreign languages- but writing it will be something different entirely. Although, I figure I did learn Arabic, so I should be okay.

It’s really great to be back home- this last weekend was a whirlwind for me. Joseph asked me to drive up to New Jersey to bring him back home- he had too much stuff to fly. We’ve decided to move in together as well, and he moved out of his parent’s house completely. The night before I drove up, his parents decided they wanted to meet me, and extended the invitation through Joseph. Then, of course, I had to figure out if the invitation was one I was actually supposed to accept, but after a long conversation with my own mother I decided it was the right thing to do.

Then Joseph told me that after we met his parents, we’d be having dinner with his best friend! Thankfully I virtually knew him already (we all play Final Fantasy XI) so I wasn’t too thrown off about that.

I think part of me is glad that the meeting them finally part is over with now. Also I didn’t have so much warning about it that I would allow myself to stress for weeks- I didn’t have time to stress! It’s been rough, to be honest- It’s hard for me to deal with people who have prejudices that I know I can’t change or fix. It’s a good exercise for me in loving-kindness, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t still hard.

The drive up to New Jersey from North Carolina was actually really great. Not very much traffic, because it was Saturday, and the only place I really hit any traffic was coming out of DC. Go figure. Other than that, the ride was smooth and I didn’t really notice how long it was. It took me about 8 hours, although it was 9 before I got there, because I got lost in the New Jersey Suburbs- even with GPS. Fun.

Dinner that night was fantastic- we went to Joseph’s favorite local Korean restaurant, and I had BBQ. Um, how did I never before know just how amazing Korean BBQ is?? We spent the night in the Sheraton in Parsippany- which is built like a castle- quite literally!! I wanted to take photos, but I was just worn out from the day and opted for sleep instead. However it quite was the most interesting hotel I’ve ever stayed at, and since they’d overbooked they upgraded our room for free. So lovely.

The next morning we headed out- although not as early as I’d have liked. We went back to his parents house and packed the SUV while they were at church. Once that was finished (we made great time, did the whole thing in 45 minutes) we got back on the road and headed to Mitsuwa, our favorite Japanese marketplace in the area- and, coincidentally, right across the river from NYC. Great view.

This time was nice because I was able to do some shopping, for things I like to have at home but I can’t get around here, because we don’t have a Japanese market. We have Korean Grocery stores, we have a “Grand Asian” Market, but to be honest, that is mostly Chinese. I never realized the nuanced differences before I really got into Asian food, but the differences are definitely there.

After some shopping and ramen (of course) we got back on the road. I expected it to be the same as the drive up, but we were not so lucky. The sky kept getting darker and darker, and by the time we hit Delaware we were in the middle of a huge thunderstorm. Traffic slowed to 35 miles per hour, and stayed that way for about an hour. DC was a complete nightmare, and the drive home ended up being 10.5 hours long. Thankfully I didn’t have to drive the whole time- it was so nice to share that burden. I just do not enjoy driving, really. I mean I do it because it needs to be done, but I never think “oh, this is so much fun!” when I’m doing it.

We’re all unpacked now- yesterday I had to buy an additional bookcase (oh darn!) because we just have so.many.books. Dylan came over and “helped” Joseph put it together, which was pretty much the most adorable thing I’ve ever seen.

I’m up early this morning because I have a job interview at the School of Medicine. So we’ll see how that goes. It would be nice to work in a research lab, so we’ll see how it goes. I just haven’t had enough drive to market my photography business enough for that to be the only thing I do, and since I’m trying to get into graduate school anyway, it didn’t seem like the smartest plan to work really hard to build it up for a year only to take it down after that. So I’ll still do it, just on the weekends and on a smaller scale. The nice thing about working near a University is that there are pretty much always jobs to be had.

Anyway, I should go iron my shirt. I’m well pleased to be home and happy right now. Things are going well.

Is he really a toddler anymore? I don’t know when the switch to “little boy” happens.

Anyway, he EATS like a boy. This bento is peanut butter and blackberry jam on multi-grain bread, milano cookies, peaches, apricot, blackberries, raspberries and kiwi. I had fun making the kiwi stars- but had to use some picks to hold them into place!

I’ve been trying to write this week, but my usually quiet existence has been punctuated by the sound of a jackhammer.

Have you ever tried to write when there is a jackhammer being used right outside your house?

I can barely hear myself think, much less think enough to write.

So today, instead of lots of lovely thoughts, I am going to showcase one of the sets of greeting cards I’m selling (under Creations!) here on my website. The Daisy Collection is a set of 25 cards (with envelopes), with images of yellow daisies on them. Blank inside, they work for any occasion- even if that occasion is to just say hi!

The Creations page is a new addition for this website- gives me a chance to showcase some of my photography that I’ve had made into canvases, prints, and greeting cards. I eventually will probably add some of the jewelry I’ve made and a few paintings as well- just an outlet for some of my creative energy. Enjoy!

When he’s home and neither of us have to go anywhere.

Dylan loves it when I give him his lunch in a bento box. It’s a lot of fun for both of us, and it’s especially helpful since it gets him to eat all of his food.

When I was in New York city in June, I always cross the river and visit Mitsuwa, a Japanese market in Edgewater, New Jersey. I found a couple new bento boxes (I controlled myself and only bought three!) and one of them featured Thomas and friends.

Dylan was ecstatic, of course, as he is regarding everything Thomas the Train.

I haven’t photographed my bento boxes in a while, so I thought I would blog yesterdays bento lunch- turkey and provolone sandwich, a few cookies, half a plum, blackberries and raspberries.

My bloggy friend Matt says that I should put more photos into my blog posts, so this one’s for you, Matt. A cheesy smiling grin that is something similar to the grins on my face when I read your blog!

Today’s blog is going to be the advice I’ve gotten from my friends. Lately, I’ve been kind of a grouch- and there might be reasons for it, but there are no excuses.

My other friend Matt (who, coincidentally, is also a Brit) told me that “everything has a solution-everything- even if the solution is ducking.” We were talking about watching horror movies at the time, and although I can’t say I’ll be watching a horror movie any time soon,  I have filed this bit of advice away for a rainy day. Matt is smart enough not to blog, so I can’t link to him.

Christy is the one that told me not to stress about Dylan taking longer to potty train. She encouraged me not to stress about it, and continues to encourage me not to stress about it. I’m pretty sure if I lived back in California, our boys would be playing together a lot! At any rate, she was right, because he’s just turned four and we are potty trained for everything (even going out!) but the night time. And I’m perfectly fine with that.

Lori tells me that “Happy is the new awesome”, and I am inclined to agree with her. After all, the woman has a three, two, AND one year old, so she’s clearly superwoman. Just not in the kinky outfit, because who can actually get work done in kinky outfits? I’m sure she has them, they’re just not very practical when breaking up fights about whose sippy cup it is or whose doll is prettier.

Cameron is the one who is my pirate photographer friend, meaning that he is a pirate AND a photographer, not that he photographs pirates. Anyway. He told me that “faithfulness only begets your solid heart, for the other half of the storm controls where its lightning lands”. He’s rather eloquent for a pirate, don’t you think? He and I have had some great adventures and are bound to have more!

Last but not least- my best friend. Joseph has inspired me to try harder, to try new things, to be a person that doesn’t back down and doesn’t give up. He doesn’t blog because he’s too busy getting a degree in biomedical engineering and getting ready to do a PhD in the same subject in three years, before going on to medical school to become an orthopedic surgeon. Plus he thinks I blog enough for the both of us. He’s amazing because he makes me realize that I can never work too hard, or learn too much. And he does it all by example, and I love him for it.

I have a lot more friends. But these are the ones who are on my mind this morning. They inspire me to do better and are there for me when I’m in the dumps or being grouchy.

So thank you, my friends.

Who is it that inspires you?